Wedding Location Question

by Cara
(Cedar City, UT)

My fiancé and I are planning to marry on July 4th of this year, and at first all the ideas sounded easy and I'm coming to find that it isn't so much.

For a little background, we've known each other for at least 5 years but it has been long distance. I'm from Utah, and he is from Oklahoma we've been though a lot over these years and what was a simple friendship turned into a very heartfelt relationship.

We've traveled to see each other numerous times and let’s just say plane tickets are not that cheep anymore. I've been trying to gather my finances to move but that hasn't happened yet, but this coming march it will be possible. Since he is in the air force he's being stationed in AR, not too horribly far from his family in Oklahoma.

Now here's the tricky part, shortly after I arrived home from my trip to spend Christmas with him and his family my mother began to bombard me with how the wedding will go and that it will be in my home town.

I've told her numerous times that I need to find a happy medium between the two states that is easy for both to fly/drive to. For example, those who would have to fly to my home town would actually have to land in Las Vegas, take a shuttle to St. George UT and then figure out how to get here from there!

My fiancé and I could plan our wedding here as far as theme goes, but cost for his friends/family clearly isn't very appealing to both of us. Our idea was to have the wedding up north, maybe in the salt lake area; its only 4 hours from here and those traveling from Oklahoma could land and take a free shuttle to a hotel for say two nights.

No big deal, but everyone in my family won't stop yelling at me about this idea because is 'out of the way'. For one thing I don't deal well under pressure like this, I simply do not.

Not to mention my finances are already tied with the move and having to get a new car before/after I do and magically getting my job to transfer me to a location that doesn't accept transfers.

Neither of us want to change the date either, it is a very close date to our hearts and we do not wish to wait a year as he may be taken out of the country by then due to being in air force.

I'm almost to the point where I could literally explode and I'm starting to think that it may even just be a better idea to have the wedding in Oklahoma instead because my family has much more money than his and come back home for a reception.

I need help, anyone have any suggestions?



Our Thoughts

First, congratulations on your engagement. Long distance relationships can be difficult, but you have found a way to make it work which is great.

Your wedding day is going to be the biggest (or one of the biggest) days of your life, and one thing that you have to remember is that the day is all about the two of you. You need to do whatever works best for you and makes you the happiest.

From your note above, it sounds like the main things that are most important to you include having your wedding on July 4th, having as many guests from both families attend as possible and keeping your budget in check.

These are the main things that you need to concentrate on. Sit down with your family (do it again if you have tried once already) and try to calmly explain what is most important to you for your big day.

Ask them for their support and help in trying to pull it all together. Explain that there are many factors that are influencing your decision – finances, location of both families, etc. and you really need them to understand this from your point of view.

If they still don’t understand and won’t support you, you may have to make the difficult decision to just ignore their comments for now and move on with planning your wedding. If they truly love you they will respect your final decision.

Now for a plan. Make a list of possible locations, and write out the pros and cons of each location. For example:

Utah – Easy for my family, expensive for his family…
Oklahoma – Better for his family, but far for my family to travel to…
In between – Is there a location in between that would work? Maybe somewhere in Colorado, like Denver?
Other location – Places that are easy to access for everyone, like Salt Lake City or Las Vegas…

Then look at the pros and cons of each choice and narrow down your choices until one becomes the obvious choice. If you are having trouble deciding, go with what your gut is telling you to do.

Keep in mind that there are probably going to be a few people that will be upset with your final choice of wedding location. But again, this is your day, and you have to do what is best for you as a couple.

To Your Wedding!
Danielle & Stephen