Including Siblings In Bridal Party

by Katie
(Park Ridge, NJ, USA)

My daughter is getting married this fall. She and her fiancé have decided to not invite his sister (his only sibling) and her brother (she was in his wedding).

My son has said how slighted and hurt he feels to be "left out" of her wedding. I am so upset I don't want to help with the planning of the wedding anymore.

We are paying for the entire wedding and have given in on not having a church wedding and not having children at the reception. I am all about the family...and we are very close.

My daughter's brothers have always been there for her and the fact that she is choosing not to include all siblings is breaking my heart. It is not like her bridal party is small.

She had 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen. All ideas and strategies will be gratefully accepted.



Our Thoughts

Dear Katie,
I was so saddened to read about this conflict in your daughter’s wedding planning experience and wish that more people would think more about the family as you do.

I have addressed in previous inquiries on this sad subject that it is the bridal couple who typically hand chooses who will be invited to join in their wedding party. With this said, I do feel strongly that you and your husband need to sit down with your daughter and soon-to-be son-in-law and explain to them your feelings towards this matter.

Help them understand from a very caring stand point how insensitive and upsetting this is towards both of their siblings. If they choose not to have their siblings in the wedding party due to the size as an excuse, ask them to consider incorporating them in another important aspect of the ceremony or day. Perhaps a reading, a poem or a song if anyone is musically inclined.

If this is really a sticking point for you and your husband and it sounds like this is grossly affecting the enjoyment of the planning process with your daughter; put your foot down for family.

Without knowing her side of the story, the way I see it currently is that it is a blessing they have you footing the bill on their big day. It wouldn’t hurt them to bend a little to make a big difference in how everyone is feeling about the wedding event by including the siblings in their party.

A couple more people will not make a difference at this point and everyone's smiles will be so much more genuine in photos when looking back on such an important event after everything is concluded. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.

Regards,
Danielle